Movie Review: Sex and the City 2

Sex and the City 2: About as sexy as SJP’s face

The creative geniuses behind the script for “Sex and the City 2” were obviously thinking of what the best ways to abuse the shows fan base might be. Not a moment was wasted.

Sure, I knew this movie would be bad…but I still went, even knowing it had a bloated run time of two and a half hours. Decades later, I emerged, wrinkles on my face, white hair and all, like I aged maybe 50 years. I still don’t know how I managed to sit through that.

“Sex and the City 2” is a story about four little girls. Charlotte learns having kids can be frustrating, and spends the entire movie feeling sorry for herself, despite having a nanny. She ends up making more sourpuss faces and throwing little tantrums than both of her little girls combined. Unknown to Sex and the City fans, Samantha loves sex, and her sex drive is very important to her. Miranda hates her job cuz her boss is sooooo mean, and like any strong woman with a lot of will power and determination, she quits. And best of all, Carrie realizes that married life might be hard…crazy concept!

One of the most charming things about the pioneering television series (that put HBO on the map) was that it celebrated every woman and their differences. Yes, they were rich New York socialites, but that didn’t mean the stories and themes that the show explored weren’t universal. In fact, men could have done a bit of good by learning a thing or two from watching the show. It was a smart, witty, generational look at love and dating in a modern world.

Instead, we get a terribly offensive, unnecessary sequel, with plenty of distasteful jabs at Arab culture, including the women. And what might a man think if they happen to be dragged to see this movie? Well, women only define themselves by the relationships they are in, and then they wrap up their feelings in obscenely expensive clothes and shoes. I get it, maybe the crazy budget they had just for clothes was meant to be an “escape” for everyone getting through our economic woes, but it was in bad taste. Carrie used to be a fashion icon, but her wardrobe (and everyone else’s for that matter) was just too indulgent and uninspired.

There’s nothing to really say about the films visual style, as the whole “cut to Carrie speaking, then cut to Big’s response, and repeat” was sooo 1918.

So basically, if you’ve never seen a movie before, you might like this. Also, if you’re an idiot, you would like this.

On the bright side, I saw a movie that was worse than Transformers 2.

Grade: F


Things that would have made a better Sex and the City sequel:

1. Sarah Jessica Parker gets plastic surgery on her face.
2. The whole cast gets stoned to death by homeless people.
3. Sarah Jessica Parker gets plastic surgery on her face.
4. Replace the cast with K-Stew as Charlotte, Christina Hendricks as Miranda, Blake Lively as Samantha, and to reinterpret the character Carrie Bradshaw into someone completely different, like Penelope Cruz, just for fun because everyone hates SJP.
5. Lastly, Sarah Jessica Parker gets plastic surgery on her face.